Guide to Making Amends in Addiction Recovery: Step 9 of AA

On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice. Below, experts at Hazelden Betty Ford’s Connection™ recovery coaching program answer frequently asked questions about this reconciliation process and why it’s so vital to addiction recovery and spiritual health. The process of living amends not only fosters individual development but also exerts a favorable influence on our immediate circle, aiding in overcoming addiction as we strive to face life successfully. Once I began sponsoring others, I started to really witness the 9th step promises as they are intended because it is much easier for us to see the promises changing someone else’s life than our own. “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

What are the 9th Step Promises?

You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak. However, some may be tempted to take this step too quickly with the primary goal of making themselves feel better fast, avoiding uncomfortable feelings that come up when examining negative behaviors. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends. Some people on this list may be harder to approach, so readiness is key. If willingness isn’t there yet, the program encourages asking a Higher Power for guidance until that willingness arises. One can start with those amends that may be easier and work their way up to the more challenging ones.

• Believing in a Higher Power provides those in recovery with a spiritual aspect that gives them strength and guidance to do the right thing even when it is hard and unlike anything they have done in the past.
• I tend to hide the memory of past transgressions under the ever-handy umbrella of “Didn’t do it if I don’t remember”.
• The 9th Step Promises are an outline of what you will experience when taking this vital step in the recovery process.
• Alcoholics Anonymous lays out twelve promises that offer those in recovery a sense of hope and the prospect of attaining peace.

Step Series

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. Resolution as recovering addicts, means we likely have past experiences that plague us or disturb us in some way. Finding a resolution to these problems means coming up with answers and solutions and laying them to rest. Indirect Amends – finding ways to repair damage that cannot be reversed or undone by doing things like volunteering and helping others.

How can sharing personal experiences benefit others in recovery?

When we know peace, it is not just knowing the definition, in the context of the AA promises, it is about getting truly acquainted with the experience of peace. Embracing our history without remorse or shame about the things we have done is the essence of step 9 while doing what is in our control to clean it up. This acceptance plays a crucial role in maintaining sobriety, as harboring regret can foster self-loathing and may trigger a return to old habits.

• Accept the path ahead without apprehension about instant results.
• Sharing personal recovery stories contributes to our own healing while helping others feel like they are not alone in their suffering.
• More often than not, step nine will be painful, but also equally freeing.
• Indirect Amends – finding ways to repair damage that cannot be reversed or undone by doing things like volunteering and helping others.
• Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it!

It is equally important that you genuinely stop and listen to the other person. Even if you want to justly or correct, allow them the right to express their experiences, feelings and thoughts about the harm. If you have a reaction to their feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts living amends about this with your support system, therapist or sponsor. Having a sponsor helps with the ninth step, as sponsors work side-by-side with recovering alcoholics and help determine how to handle making amends.

Freedom: Moving On From Step Nine Of AA Alcoholics Anonymous

When making amends it is important that you focus on your behaviors only and your amends. Of course, others in our lives had negative behaviors or unhealthy ways of responding to addiction but that has nothing to do with us making amends for our own behaviors. You will lessen the impact of your amends if you water it down with excuses and external blame.

When it is not feasible or suitable to make direct contact with the person who has been hurt, making indirect amends becomes necessary. This might happen in situations where reaching out to the affected party cannot be done, or if permanent damage makes reconciliation unattainable. The 9th Step Promises are an outline of what you will experience when taking this vital step in the recovery process.